I just spent almost an hour caught in traffic on the highway due to what I can only assume was a wreck, and it brought to mind the one other occasion when I spent any significant time in traffic, and I started to see a pattern emerge. Therefore, I give you the seven stages to being stuck in an accident.
- Stage 1 – You realize the car in front of you is slowing down. “Huh,” you say to yourself. If it’s an area where they’re known to be doing road work, you assume it’s connected to that.
- Stage 2 – 10 minutes in, you haven’t moved an inch. You start to think it might not be due to construction, and then you figure there must have been a wreck of some sort.
- Stage 3 – 25 minutes in. You now know it’s apparently a bit more serious, and you’re thankful that you weren’t involved.
- Stage 4 – 35 to 40 minutes in. You’re extremely agitated that there’s been an accident, you wonder how freakin’ stupid the driver(s) responsible must be, but you hope that no one’s hurt – well, not seriously hurt, anyway.
- Stage 5 – An hour in, still little to no movement. Now you hope someone’s severely injured, possibly dead, because that’s the only thing that can justify holding up traffic for so long. You may start looking for helicopters because they’d better be life-flighting someone.
- Stage 6 – 90+ minutes in, you decide there had better be at least one dead body, and you had better get to see it on the road when you finally start moving. And if not a body, at least blood stains.
- Stage 7 – Traffic finally starts flowing again, and you’re so happy to finally be moving. You feel slightly ashamed that you had such horrible thoughts…and also slightly ashamed at your disappointment when you don’t see the body. You pray for the people involved in the accident…and for forgiveness.
Seriously, am I wrong?
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